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I Was Made For This

September 6th, 2018
Posted in #LIFEINHD, #MyMotherhoodMinute

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.” – Esther 4:14

Motherhood – a calling I know I was meant to step into. It is something I prayed for before it ever happened… one of those in the future prayers that GOD chose to answer with a YES! Also, a title I felt unqualified for initially when finding out I was expecting my oldest child.

To say the least, being a mother is hands down one of the most amazing experiences (filled with many experiences) I’ve had to date. I can’t even really put it into words, but simply put, it’s amazing: the joining of two people, the seed planted, the seed growing, life forming and the preparation for the child’s life while waiting, birth, and everything the female body does to prepare, grow, deliver and nurture baby. I mean, how crazy amazing is it that mothers can produce milk to feed and nourish their babies???!!! It’s so dope! GOD really made women special!

Recently, I was blessed to finish out an extremely hard pregnancy, and bring another beautiful life into this world.

It wasn’t easy.

In fact, this was my hardest delivery to date.

I’m usually pretty calm and collected during the labor and delivery process, but this time was different. I was literally crying out at times, and granted I always have my mind focused on GOD and stay in prayer the entire time, I felt even more inclined to pray. In my weakness… the moments where I felt like I couldn’t keep going, GOD carried me through.

In experiencing a tough pregnancy, and working through some recent life challenges… literally that feeling of “when it rains it pours,” I was more than ready for delivery. I was ready to have my body back to myself and finally meet baby; I knew there was a joy in that moment that I needed.

The crazy thing about it is, the day I went in I had no idea they were going to keep me. I’ve never really experienced the whole water breaking thing- at least not where its been really evident, and for the first time I kind of had that moment of, this may be my water breaking. I made it to the hospital to get checked and they told me they were keeping me. They put me in a wheelchair leaving the clinic; no sooner than I got to labor and delivery, it started to pour down rain…. heavy, heavy rain, with crazy winds and eventually a full out storm.

Talk about symbolic.

Some of life’s recent challenges felt like a storm that I’ve been stuck in. My baby literally was born during a storm (and literally decided to come the day before my kiddos started school, and the day Poppa was supposed to leave for their last pre season game- so glad he was able to be present). The delivery was extremely intense, painful and the hardest I’ve experienced. Yet, when it was all over I felt peace. It reminded me of the story of Jesus and His disciples on the boat during a great storm. He was sleeping, but the disciples were awake and afraid. When they woke Him in a panic because of the storm, He simply spoke and there was a calmness of the storm that had been rocking their ship.

“And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” -Mark 4:39)

Wow, just wow. I’m tearing up thinking about it. I know GOD was so present in that moment when I finally gritted, screamed and pushed my daughter out. When they placed her (yes, she! It’s a girl! Yay!) in my arms, all I could think is “thank you Jesus.” Verbally, I was still wincing in pain, but my heart was so fixed on Christ in that moment, and physically holding my child, I felt a burden lifted off of me, and my spirit.

She’s special… my smallest baby, but with the biggest presence. Little but fierce. Small, but strong. Fresh out the womb, but extremely alert and watchful.

Her delivery is a reminder to me that all things are working for our good. (Romans 8:28).

The morning after delivery, I sat with my headphones on listening to, “Nobody Like You Lord,” by Maranda Curtis and just praised and cried.

Tonight, I went back through all the pictures and videos (my mom made sure she got everything… maybe a little too much haha) and praised and cried again. Childbirth is pretty magical. 9 months of preparation (not easy either), hours of intense laboring, moments of pushing and then the delivery… in that moment all the thoughts of hurt and pain just slipped away.

I was just left with the feeling of; it was worth it, I was made for this.




P.S. I’ve barely slept a wink in the last week, I look a hot mess, I think I’ve managed to sneak a meal in once or twice a day, sleeping arrangements are crazy right now, but life is good and we are adjusting. I’m officially a momma bear of 4 and I’m so grateful GOD called me to this…. to motherhood.

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